A Feel Good Moment

So the social worker came by yesterday from L.A. County to have interviews with my family as we continue our preparations to foster a few children with the hopes of adopting them.  The purpose of the interviews is to enable the social worker to write up a biography of my family so that she can add it to the record and make it available to judges who will place children in our home.

The best moment of the interview was when she looked at me and said, "I would describe your build as 'athletic'."  AWESOME!  Never in my life has anybody said such a thing to me, and I was wonderfully flattered.

I mentioned this to my wife with my kids in earshot, and my daughter, bless her heart, suggested that the social worker was just flirting with me.

Hmm ...

If Ye Are Prepared ...

It is a mantra that I've applied to my life in many aspects, from being a Boy Scout as a youth to taking finals in college to gathering food storage for my family. The phrase "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear" comes from the Doctrine and Covenants and is found in the midst of a whole pile of instructions to The Church regarding caring for each other.

In the last few days, however, as I've contemplated the appendectomy that I just had, many people have asked me if I was afraid at the time, or if I was worried about it. I can honestly state that never once did I fear for my life during the whole ordeal. I felt truly and terribly awful, for sure, and in the throes of my agony I stated more than once that "I feel like I'm dying!", but never once did I consider that I would actually die.

I do have a healthy sense of self-preservation, though my wife would sometimes disagree when I express my desires to go bungee jumping or skydiving (I'm still forbidden by her, by the way ...). Perhaps I still have an "invincibility complex" that I've never quite grown out of from when I was a teenager. Or perhaps, worst of all, I just simply didn't imagine it was a possibility. (By the way, a failure of the imagination in failure-mode scenarios is a huge no-no at my place of work, and has literally lost spacecraft before.)

Either way, it never occurred to me. I fully recognized at that time that appendicitis was an infection that people used to regularly die from. One of my brothers even had a brush with death because of appendicitis. Even so, I let the nurses knock me out and wheel me off to the operating room with barely a backwards glance to my wife. I said no goodbyes and fully expected to see her within a blink of my eye.

In hindsight, I think I was prepared for the worst, so I never feared it would come. It's like putting fire alarms in your house -- it's a really, really good idea to have them, and pretty much everybody does, but nobody expects to actually need them. Indeed, the only time most people pay attention to them is when the "low-battery tweet" starts to go off at 3 am (why is it always in the middle of the night?!).

My own preparations for the worst include the following, from short-term to long-term:

• I have piles of sick leave available at work. I'm a generally healthy person so this has just accumulated over time.
  
• I can do much of my work remotely, if need be, by computer and by phone, so I didn't worry about being gone for a long time to recover.
  
• I have two very good and reliable wing-men for my calling at church on whom I can wholeheartedly rely for everything.
  
• I have a will that clearly states my beneficiaries.
  
• I have enough life insurance that would pay off all my debts and keep my family in order for several years.
  
• My wife knows where all the important documents are kept.
  
• My wife knows all the important passwords for my online life (financial websites included and especially).
  
• My wife knows where to bury me, if that needs to occur (though we haven't purchased lots, yet -- we still think we're a little young for that and we don't know where life will eventually take us in the long run).

In the midst of all these preparations, my ultimate demise, while a serious blow to my little family, would not leave them uncared for. And while I am certainly nowhere near being perfect, I feel sufficiently comfortable in my religious well-being that the prospect of "moving on" does not fill me with absolute dread.

This is not to say that I feel "ready", not by any stretch of the imagination. Indeed, I still feel like I have so much to do before that eventuality occurs! However, the saying is true: "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear". Trust me, I just tested it.

Appendectomy - 7 Days Later

My state of being, 7 days after having my laparoscopic appendectomy:

• There is still no pain around any of my incisions. However, I recently went off all my pain medications, and I've noticed that the tape covering the incisions occasionally grabs the skin and hurts a little (big deal, I know, but hey!). I also notice that when I press on the incision sites, two of them do not cause pain, but the third, which is just below my belly-button, causes me to pause.
  
• The itching from the hair regrowing on my belly has been slowly decreasing. It is still a regular nag in the back of my consciousness, but it's getting better.
  
• Bowel movements and other associated acts are regular now. No pain or other issues at all.
  
• Urinating is normal now. No pain or other issues at all.
  
• My stomach still makes some weird gurgly noises on occasion as my innards continue to reorient themselves.
  
• My appetite is still not full-strength -- hovering around 80%, I think. Of course, since I'm just sitting around all day, this is probably good.
  
• My shoulder joints still hurt all the time right now. In fact, it got so bad that I went in to see the doctor on Sunday evening. The doctor wasn't very helpful and basically told me to tough it out, which I expected. She did give me a prescription for slightly more powerful pain medication (very slightly), which I ended up taking only once. On Monday morning, I elected to go cold turkey on the pain meds and see what happened. I did all right through the day, and kept a hot pad handy to put on the most offending shoulder. As of now, I'm no taking any of the prescription pain meds, but I did take some Tylenol.
  
• Breathing is normal, with deep breathing possible now. Occasionally I still get a catch in my chest when I lay funny and my shoulders are giving me trouble, but I'm doing much better here.
  
• The bruising on my largest incision appears to be healing. From the last post, I expected the bruise to widen across my stomach, but it appears to be dissipating now. Things are looking much better, and the redness and swelling is almost all gone now.
  
• I only took one nap yesterday. That's progress.
  
• My weight is currently 3 pounds below where I was before the surgery, and I expect it to stay steady as my appetite rises commensurate with my activity level.
  
• My range of motion is pretty good, but I'm creaky. I raised my arms earlier to stretch and got all sorts of interesting popping noises through my chest and back. I think this is a side-effect of the largely sedentary life-style I've been living.
  
• I can lay down without issue, on either side, though sometimes I still need to reconsider when I'm having certain shoulder problems. I still have not attempted to lay on my stomach.

All in all, I'm feeling better than I was, except for the lingering aches in my shoulders.

In other news, some of the kids from the ward came over last night to do 20 minutes of service. My wife had them wash the windows on the back of the house, which they did well. It was nice to see them, and I'm grateful for their service.

Appendectomy - 4 Days Later

My state of being, 4 days after having my laparoscopic appendectomy:

• There is really no pain around any of my incisions.
  
• The giant square they shaved on my belly to do the surgery now ITCHES like mad as the hair begins to grow back. My wife said it was this way at first for her when she started to shave her legs, but she's used to it now. I'm not going to start regularly shaving my belly, though, so I'm enduring it.
  
• I finally had a bowel movement this morning ... 4 days later, which was a little disconcerting as I'm really quite regular. A little personal here, I know, but for all those scientifically inquiring minds out there, I figured I'd give a rather complete record.
  
• Urinating is still preceded by a weird flash of pain, but otherwise goes normally now (no more fits and spurts).
  
• My guts still seem to be reorienting themselves, as I hear some rather bizarre gurgly noises on occasion. Mid-day, after getting up from a nap, I could swear I felt something move two inches across my stomach.
  
• My appetite isn't back all the way -- still about 60%.
  
• I pass gas on occasion, which, apparently, is a very good thing as during laparoscopic surgery the doctors inflate you with air, and the doctors are somewhat nervous about where all that air goes in the days after surgery. Supposedly it eventually gets absorbed by the body, which is why the passing of gas is a rather important milestone. My frequency and, um, volume is down compared to pre-surgery, though, so things aren't quite normal, yet. (Again, this is for the record, people!)
  
• My right and left shoulder joints hurt all the time right now. I think it's because of the aforementioned gas, some of which has migrated to my shoulder joints, and from all I've read on line, it'll go away in a day or two (I hope). This is the single most painful thing right now about my recovery, and is keeping me humble (and slightly grumpy).
  
• I took a shower yesterday for the first time. It was a glorious event.
  
• I still have issues, on occasion, getting enough air, and yawning deeply is a challenge for me.
  
• My stomach is starting to look more like I had surgery, and the ugly green of the bruising is starting to spread out from the incisions.
  
• I usually need a mid-morning nap, and some mid-afternoon solitude away from noisy kids. I feel so overwhelmed that I literally find myself fleeing to the quiet places in the house.
  
• The painkiller does its job, and wears off on schedule. I'm extremely diligent about taking it, because I really notice it in my shoulders when I don't.
  
• My weight is currently 2 pounds below where I was before the surgery, and I expect it to fall a little more, but with my appetite slowly recovering, we'll see.
  
• My range of motion is pretty good. I'm being cautious about bending forward, and always lift with my knees, rather than with my back, but I was in the habit of doing that before. This whole thing is an excellent excuse to get the slaves -- er, the kids -- to lift everything for me.
  
• Laying down is still a slight production. I always lay down by first getting on my knees, then sort of leaning to the left until I'm down. Then, depending on how I'm feeling, I'll sometimes roll to my back. If I'm feeling really well, I'll actually roll all the way to my right side. Never once have I rolled across my front. I'm not that adventurous, yet, and until the weird chest pains go away (let alone the shoulder ones, which hinder my breathing), I'm not going that far.
  
• Did I mention my belly itches?!?
  
• Seriously, did I mention the itching?

All in all, I feel pretty good, except for the miserable aches in my shoulders. I'll report again in another few days.

Appendicitis

Well, the title gives away the big surprise of this blog post to all my faithful readers (all 2 of you), but so be it.

It still came as a surprise to me. My wife this past weekend has been suffering from the flu, so it came as no surprise on Tuesday morning that I was feeling somewhat queasy in my stomach. Nevertheless, I wasn't "too bad" at that point, so I got up and went to work. As the day progressed, my stomach pains continued to increase in intensity. I left work slightly early (for other reasons) and went home. At that point, I was still queasy in the stomach, but I wouldn't say I was feeling nauseous in that I had no need to actually vomit.

Well, that night, I was feeling pretty bad, but went over to a scouting Court of Honor that I needed to attend. Before it even got started, though, I knew I was in bad enough shape that I should go home. So, I helped get things set up there, then left to come home.

Upon my arrival, I was still not feeling too hot, and my stomach pains continued to increase. I felt cold and clammy, and so I took the opportunity to go get in the hot bathtub. At about this same time, I asked my wife to go to the store to buy me some Pepto-Bismol, as I was feeling severe pains in my stomach area. She left, and the pains in my stomach continued to get worse.

I was so uncomfortable that even the hot bath was not helping, so I got out and headed to the computer. I remembered that my brother had had his appendix taken out and that it was a close call for him, so I've always been somewhat on the lookout for symptoms like what he had. I typed "appendicitis" into my search engine and found a list of symptoms, which seemed to match what I was experiencing pretty well.

I got dressed into some loose fitting clothes and started pacing, the intensity of the pain getting more severe. My youngest son was already asleep, my daughter was on her way, and my oldest was reading, so as soon as my wife returned to the store, I clambered into the van and told her we had to go to the hospital right now. She was a little unhappy about leaving the kids, but I knew things were not right with me, and that I had no little stomach flu.

Eventually, my wife called a wonderful neighbor of ours to go stay with our kids for the night. I knew it must have been terribly uncomfortable, but I am so very grateful for that kind woman's service.

As it was, we arrived at the E.R. at about 8:45. I was doubled over in pain, pale, sweaty, and clammy. Even so, they made us wait. And wait. And wait. For over 5 hours, we waited there before I was finally admitted. The entire time I spent rocking back and forth, trying to manage the pain. They wouldn't even consider giving me anything for the pain because I hadn't been seen by a doctor.

As it turns out, apparently on the night of the full moon everybody likes to get into auto accidents. From our perspective in the waiting room, which is separate from the ambulance entrance, we could not see all the traffic of people being wheeled in, bloodied, beaten, and bruised from other tragic events. From our perspective, looking around at the others in the waiting area, I was the only one in obvious severe pain, and even other people in the waiting area couldn't understand why they were waiting to admit me. One kind fellow, who eventually tired of the waiting and left, even offered to let me go in when they called his name. I hope he ultimately got the help he needed.

As it was, my wife and I went through multiple scenarios. I may have been admitted earlier had we called 911 arrived by ambulance. We may have been able to get in had we gone to a more-distant, but usually better managed, hospital. Several people around us joked that I needed to pass out, vomit all over the floor, or clutch my left arm and proclaim I was having heart problems. I wasn't very amused, but I appreciated the sentiment.

So it was that I pulled a chair over and placed it adjacent to another one. I crawled into it, curled into a ball, and tried to sleep. Several times I think my body just shut down, even with all the noise. There were kids crying, loud televisions (playing Animal Planet's "Monster Animals Unhooked"), and otherwise grumpy people (aggravated by their equally long -- and sometimes longer -- wait). Even with all this, I managed to sleep.

My wife, bless her, was a real trooper. She managed to keep her emotions in check. I know how she felt -- helpless. I always felt the same way when she had our babies. As it was, when the triage nurse asked me how I felt, I remembered my good wife's pains of childbirth, and told her it was an unfair question. Clearly it was not equivalent, but I ranked it as the most intense pain I had ever felt, which was a true assessment.

Well, after what felt like days, I finally managed to get admitted. They brought me in, put me on a bed, and very quickly gave me a morphine shot and something to manage nausea. All the medicines I was given, it seemed, started with the letter "z". Zoltron, Zeratul, ... something. Anyway, the morphine kicked in right away and I felt much better. The nurse was fantastic and was able to put the IV line in on the first attempt. She had a wonderful bedside manner, which was very refreshing after the stonewalling we had in the waiting room.

It wasn't too long until I was in having a C.T. scan. And not too much later that the doctor came in and indicated that yes, indeed, I did need to have my appendix removed. At this point, he could've said I was growing a third arm in my lower intestine. I didn't care, I just wanted whatever it was to be dealt with as soon as possible.

Well, I fell asleep several times for the next several hours, and my surgery was scheduled for 6 am. I was a little surprised they could do it that quickly, and at that early hour, but all the doctors and nurses seemed surprised by my surprise. It's the shift they were working, and it was all in a "days" work. They put a line in and I passed out quickly -- it wasn't really hard as I was exhausted anyway from the night of pain.

I woke up unaware of where I was and remember rubbing my head a lot trying to clear the fogginess in my mind. That didn't really work, but I eventually came to well enough to remember where I was and why I was there. I just stayed put, though, and they eventually took me to a room where I would stay for the balance of the day.

My wife had stayed long enough to talk to the doctor after the surgery, then ran home to relieve our good neighbor and friend. She stayed home the balance of the day, dealing with life with children. She later reported that the doctor told her that the surgery went very well, largely to the fact that I am fit (which made me feel really good -- losing all that weight has again helped me out in life). He was able to do the appendectomy laparoscopically, meaning that they made three tiny incisions, and used little cameras and knives to chop out the offending organ. Indeed, I have only three sets of bandaids on my belly right now, none of which are on the right side of my belly where the appendix is located, which surprised me.

All morning long, I pretty much slept. It was fitful sleep, though, as the doctors and nurses kept coming in to check on me and my room-mate, a teenager who had suffered from a major bicycle accident and was recovering from some internal injuries, had his monitors keep beeping. It seemed he was calling the nurse ever five minutes to ask for some painkillers. I was way better off than him.

In any case, it was a weird day. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Twice I woke up and had unexpected people in the room. My good friend and new bishop showed in the morning on his way to work, and my good friend and home teacher showed up in the afternoon on his way home from work. Both visited for while, and it was wonderful having them there. The latter actually left his iPad with me and I was able to watch Iron Man.

Later that morning, I spoke with the nurse, who told me that I could be released anytime I wanted to be. This surprised me, as I was sure they were going to insist on me staying a few days. When she told me this, though, I had a new mission in life, and that was to get home where I would be far more comfortable. After some consulting with my wife, we conspired to get me out at around 5 pm, and I ended up arriving at my house at 6 pm. So, 12 hours from surgery to home. Wow, you gotta love modern medicine. The nurse said she had never seen anybody go home that quickly after an appendectomy. I was honored, but just wanted to go home.

A few difficulties I still am suffering from:

* Breathing deeply still hurts.
* Eating and drinking causes me to have trouble breathing, and especially causes trouble for me when laying down.
* Laying down hurts when I lay on my right side. I can lay on my left, and sometimes on my back, but definitely NOT on my right side.
* Urinating comes in fits and spurts, and still slightly hurts.
* I still haven't had a bowel movement, and that prospect makes me a little nervous.

Once I got home, my good friend and home teachee and one of the counselors in the Elders Quorum presidency came over and gave me a very nice blessing. I was just glad to have them there. All of these good men I appreciate and respect, and I am grateful for them.

One of the sisters who visit teaches my wife brought us some dinner, too, which we all enjoyed. I can eat pretty much anything, but my appetite is still pretty small.

I was afraid to try to lay down last night, but with the pain killers that the doctor prescribed, which I am faithfully taking ever 4 hours, I was able to lay down (on my left) and slept through the night without too much difficulty. I'm pretty tired now, though, and think I'll go take a nap. With all my guts jostled around, apparently putting everything back into place is hard work.

I'm grateful for lots of things right now. Grateful to be "fit" enough that recovery looks to be fairly straightforward. Grateful for a wife and kids who are understanding and can take care of themselves while I'm working through this. Grateful that I have a good job that is not at risk because of this and where I have sick time available and patient co-workers who will make progress even in my absence. Grateful for my good friends and neighbors, especially those in my ward, who are kind and generous and have checked in to see if there's anything they could do for us. Grateful that my appendix didn't actually burst, and that this was largely a preventative measure. Grateful that we have modern medicine that makes this largely preventative measure possible, and drugs to make the recovery bearable. And that's just the short list.

Through all of this, I managed to escape the hospital without having to give a urine sample. Can't recall ever accompanying anybody to the hospital for an admissible illness or injury where that wasn't required ...

Hit 5k Again

I was running on the treadmill last night for the fourth night of actual running, and I decided to push it to the 5k mark to see what I could do. The first night, as mentioned, I did 1.5 miles. The second night I ran 1.7, and the third night I ran 2.0. Last night, at a steady drone of 5.5 mph, I made it to the 3.2 mile marker without major issue. I was quite sweaty, but made it without getting queasy or overly exhausted.

I marvel at what my body can do now that I'm not hauling around those extra 40 pounds. I'm as good as ready for the July 24th run, but I'm going to continue training over the next several weeks to see if I can bring up my speed, and to alternate the running speed to improve my robustness, etc.

Back on the Treadmill

I got on the treadmill last night for the first time in a VERY long time. My goal was to run a mile and a half. I'm working up to a 5k = 3.2 miles that I'll be running on July 24th, and figured I should start small.

As I got going, I felt kind of stiff at first, and at about the 0.5 marker of my run, I looked down at the distance I'd gone and thought about slowing down to walk for a little rest. But I just kept right on going, and kept it up at a constant pace of 5.5 mph with an elevation angle of 4 degrees.

At about the 0.7 mile marker, I was feeling pretty good, and realized I had pushed through a "wall". As I kept on running, the rhythm felt really good and when I hit my 1.5 mile marker, I really felt like I could have kept going. Even so, I wanted to end well, so I did a cool-down walk and finally got off the treadmill at 1.75 miles (0.1 before, 0.15 after).

I wasn't shaky, I wasn't overwhelmed. I was just sweaty, but felt really good. I was a little surprised at how comfortable I was, and I'm kind of excited to get back into shape again.

My wife told me she was kinda sad that I was going to keep up with the treadmill only through the race on July 24th. I know she was totally just digging at me, as she totally knows how exhausting my 11 hour work days are (9 hours of work + 2 hours of driving). Add to that the time I spend with the kids and that leaves very little time to spend with her when I'm actually functional, and I really like my time with my wife. I think I surprised her, though, when I said I hope to keep on the treadmill at least twice a week after the race.

We'll see. Maybe I'll work up to a half-marathon or something. It's a big commitment to make, and I'm like her, I don't like feeling chained to anything. Isn't there a way to sit around all day and still be fit?!

On Weight Loss: The End of One Road

I have concluded that I have finally reached the end of my weight loss journey. If you look at the chart, you'll see the slow and steady path that I followed -- click on it for a larger version.


You can see that I lost about a quarter pound each day while I was doing this "Phantom Weight Watcher" thing. I totally have to give credit to my wife, who made it possible. She cooked for me, encouraged me, participated with me (well, I participated with her, technically), and always reminded me to behave myself. I wouldn't call what she did nagging, just gentle reminding; which I was free to ignore (and sometimes did). She is a wonderful, glorious woman, and I am greatly in love with her.

I am now comfortably down in the middle of the "normal" BMI range, and am feeling pretty happy about how I look. I feel good, too, with good energy levels; and even though I get the same amount of sleep I did when I started this little journey, I don't feel quite as exhausted. It really is true that the extra weight doesn't help at all.

When I tell people that I lost 35 pounds, most people wonder where I had kept it all. I was never really "obese" before, I don't think, but I was "pleasantly" rounded -- I was well within the upper half of the "overweight" BMI range. Now, I latch my watch one notch further in, my belt three notches in, and my wedding ring has literally fallen off my finger.

Anyway, a few musings on this whole weight loss thing:

-- I believe that sustainable weight loss is not a matter of self-denial, but rather self-control. Following the "Weight Watchers" approach has worked really well for me. I'm a numbers guy by nature, so keeping track of things wasn't so difficult, but any diet that prevented me from eating what I love (ice cream! meat! peanut butter!) would not have worked for me. Instead of denying myself of these things, I just have to plan for it now.
-- Despite my great success, I wouldn't say that I'm happier now that I'm skinny than I was before. I was pretty happy before. I would say, however, that it is easier for me to do things than it was before and my stamina has increased. I can climb stairs easier, I sprint more readily, I walk faster than I used to, chasing my kids around doesn't seem like a chore, and I can now crouch or get on the ground (and back up again) a lot easier than I could before -- a very important thing when you have small children.
-- It really is flattering when people comment on my weight loss. Nearly everyone I know has asked me about it, and it always makes me smile. (Why, yes, I have lost weight! Thank you for noticing!)
-- My confidence level has gone up. No longer do I worry about what people think about my appearances, because I know I look good. Yep, I do, just ask me.

Everything I own is really baggy on me. My church suits are really bad, and I desperately need a new one. This whole buying a new wardrobe thing really stinks, but it is, in its own way, sort of fun, too. My wife, on the other hand, absolutely hates shopping for clothes. For men, buying a pair of pants is as easy as finding the right waist and length (okay, okay, if you really gotta make it hard, you might want to care about the style -- loose-fitting or regular fit), whereas for women, it's a far more complicated challenge. For her, though, she's been very surprised and pleased to try on sizes that she couldn't fit into even as a high school student.

Now my challenge is to learn how to stabilize my weight. It is a different task than losing weight, and I hope to maintain my weight between 140 and 145. It should be an interesting experience, too, and maybe I'll post some of the long-term results of that effort.

As it is, this particular experience is now at an end. When I find the right pictures that illustrate the story, I'll post a "before and after" entry. It's been good.

Thanksgiving Preview

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. That means the following:

-- The Annual "Turkey" Bowl will begin at 8 am. This year, we'll be having an Ultimate Frisbee game on the side, for those who would rather do that. Since tomorrow will be the one year anniversary since the last football game I played where I broke my finger, I think I'll participate in the frisbee game instead. (Not that I wouldn't rather do that, anyway ... ) It's raining now, so it might be kinda soggy (though it should clear by then), but, being guys, it's still "game on!"
-- A big meal is planned, though with being on a diet, everything will pretty much be healthy. I think it will be a feast even so, because my wife is incredible and cooks really well.
-- We'll probably watch TV, maybe a parade, and play on the Wii most of the day.

It will be awesome.

And I'm not going to think about work or the economy or the rest of the world at large. It's just me, my family, and a whole lot of goofing off (in between cooking and cleaning).

What's On My Mind?

I haven't posted for a few days because things have been busy, or I've just been too distracted to formulate a blog entry. To this end, I'm recording, for posterity, what is on my mind on Monday, November 3rd, 2008:

-- The election tomorrow will tell us who will be the new president for the next four years (with all that that implies), and if marriage will still be defined as between a man or a woman in California (vote YES! on Prop 8!!).
-- The stock market is still wobbly, but now that I'm invested in it, it seems to be more on my mind than I expected. Did my stocks go up or did they go down today? How much will the dividends be worth? How can I minimize my taxes on the earnings? Are there other stocks that seem safe that maybe I should consider? Have I made bad choices?! (And will the election tomorrow cause a surge on Wall Street? Please, please, please ...)
-- My work assignment is potentially shifting, with, perhaps, a raise and a need to back-fill. In addition, one of the people I have working for me is having a baby in January, and I need to find somebody to come in temporarily to help pick up the slack.
-- Halloween was a lot of fun. The kids had a great time and were, from oldest to youngest, Harry Potter, Wonder Woman, and Dash from "The Incredibles". I made it through with only minimal weight gain. We have huge bowls of candy that the kids are slowly working through (and my wife keeps taking some and freezing it for later use). With my diet in-progress, I find the things I miss most are peanut butter-related chocolates: peanut butter M&Ms and Reese's peanut butter cups.
-- I'm now over 30 pounds lighter than when I started dieting this past May, meaning that absolutely none of my clothes fit me right anymore. It's getting really bad, but I'm not done losing weight (about 5 more pounds to go!) so I don't want to buy new clothes, yet. My wife's in a similar condition, but her wardrobe seems more flexible than mine.
-- My work changed my email system from Eudora to Microsoft Outlook. It's got some features I like and others I hate, but I'm managing. My productivity has tanked this past week, though. I'm trying to get things done a little more efficiently, but it's a weird time right now.
-- Daylight Savings Time happened and it seems the kids have adjusted pretty quick. My wife and I? Not so much. We stayed up "late" last night trying to reset our bodies, but we woke up on full-speed at the "usual" time this morning, which means tonight we'll be one more hour tired by the time we go to bed.
-- With the holidays approaching, it seems life gets busier, though really it's just the same but feels busier. We are anxious for soccer to end for my daughter since that seriously cramps our style, especially on Saturdays. We also are looking forward to having ward families over for dinner, just as a get-to-know-you effort. My wife and I haven't been social that way in a long time, but want to start getting back to it. With no biological family around, we have created a circle of friends that we consider our "adopted" family.
-- I held a little party for my wife last night in celebration of her birthday. I invited eight different couples over for dessert, and explicitly stated they could bring their children (it being Sunday and all, with babysitters hard to come by). In all, we had about 20 kids and 18 adults in the house. The intent was to eat dessert, have adult socialization, and let the kids play. I think it was a greatly successful party, and my wife was moved that all these people came to our house just to wish her a happy birthday -- she was nearly in tears when they sang happy birthday to her. In attempting to bake the two cakes for the party, my wife (who is, without a doubt, the chef in our family -- and baked all the cupcakes for the kids) pretty much hovered behind me the whole time, anxiously giving me advice and instructions on what to do. I desperately needed it, and was grateful for it, and it is clearly evident that I am incapable of planning a social event without her involvement. I'm delighted that she's my better half and I look forward to many more birthdays to come. I'm glad I had the chance to throw that little party to express that, and I now have ideas on how to do it even better in the future.
-- I haven't done any family history in weeks and I have so much to do. I interviewed my parents and my grand-aunt when I was in Utah a few months back, and I still haven't transcribed that. Oy. So much to do.
-- Our savings are drastically reduced. We recently paid the mortgage, paid the property taxes, paid the homeowners insurance, paid the auto insurance, had new tile floors installed in the kitchen and entryway, replaced the garage door (it was broken), finished purchasing the last bit of food we need to get a "year's supply", and invested in the stock market. This pretty much means that our savings account has dramatically shrunk. I'm not complaining about any of these things, as they are all good or needful things (except the garage door bit ...), but it just means the numbers on the monthly statement are smaller than we are comfortable with. Unfortunately, when this happens, my wife goes into "I'm so stressed about money that I can't buy anything" mode, and then complains bitterly when I buy something for her because she works so hard to save money. Seeing as she needs a whole new wardrobe to fit her newly-trim physique (looking good, babe!), the next few months are going to be interesting. Gratefully, Christmas shopping is pretty much already done (thanks again, honey!).

That's pretty much all that's on my mind right now. Later!

Out Shopping

My wife is out shopping tonight. Since we both have lost about 25 pounds, our clothes just don't fit us anymore, and we are in great need of just a few "in between" clothes until we get to where we want to be and can then shop with confidence. She's supposed to get me some new T-shirts, and she says she had a productive trip, but she isn't home yet to show me the results.

In the meantime, I took the time to do a lot of things that needed doing. I paid some bills, scanned some family pictures, and did a little online shopping for my wife's birthday party. The kids were zombies watching Aladdin (which they hadn't seen in ages because it was "too scary", but now, for some reason they can't explain, it's just fine ... go figure), so I was able to get an early start, and it's been a productive evening.

Now if I just would've had time to play a video game or two ... too tired now, though. I'm going to go to bed and read a book.

Post-Vacation Thoughts

This past week, my family and I took a vacation to Utah to see my wife's oldest brother get married. His first wife passed away earlier this year after being deathly ill for decades. We were delighted to be there to enjoy the company of his new wife, who is a very kind woman whom I'm sure will make him very happy. The temple sealing was beautiful, and the tears in his eyes as the sealer spoke of children were moving -- children were something he never thought he could have because his first wife couldn't have children after beating cancer shortly after their marriage. We hope they can have children immediately.

The trip was a pretty good one. We took the 12-hour drive in one long stretch last Wednesday, and arrived late that evening. The kids had to do homework nearly the whole time in both directions. With them being gone for 6 school days, we had to sign a "contract" to make them do school work during their absence. It's ridiculous -- can't a kid just cut school for a week and call it good?!

The following morning I took some time to go down to Provo to visit my grand-aunt, my paternal grandmother's sister and the last living member of that generation in my immediate family (she's 84). We had a delightful time visiting about our family history. She shared stories from her youth and we walked through a bunch of pictures I had so she could tell me who all the people were. She also sent with me a pile of photographs to scan and mail back to her. I was delighted, and recorded the entire conversation. Probably the best part of it was hearing her giggle at one picture of her on a horse with two of her siblings. It was downright precious.

That evening we had a family party with most of my wife's family. We went to the condo where my wife's parents are living while they are missionaries in Temple Square, and it was alternately loud, raucous, and deafening. There were far too many kids in a confined space -- my three children are loud enough without being inspired by their cousins ... It was great to see everybody, and it was the first chance I had to visit with the new soon-to-be-sister-in-law-in-law.

The next day, I went with my brother-in-law-in-law out to Antelope Island to help some people put up some hot air balloons. I'd never done anything like that, and after considering how rare an opportunity it was, I decided to go despite being completely exhausted. I got up at about 4:30 AM, showered, and rode in the car half-dazed, only to stand around for two hours while the wind failed to cooperate. Eventually, three balloons went aloft and I got some great video and pictures of the whole experience. I wish I would have been able to ride, but I didn't really expect that I'd be able to. Nevertheless, I'm glad I went!

My wife stayed "home" and made the wedding cake, which turned out beautifully. The wedding itself went very well on Saturday. They were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple and we took pictures on the grounds afterward. The kids were so excited just to be there that they asked if they could go "touch the temple." I laughed at that, but of course let them go and do so. They really enjoyed themselves, even if they were a bit uncooperative for family pictures.

At the family "lunch" afterwards, it was a good time, as well -- basically a repeat of the family party with the in-law's family under foot. Nobody, as far as I could tell, mingled with the other family. Everybody was cordial and smiles all around, but there were just too many people to try to have a meaningful sit down visit with anybody.

The next day, we were at my parents' house and we had a family party there, too. Three of my siblings were able to come out: my two brothers and my second sister. Their families being with them, my children had a great time just running around being silly. My youngest, in particular, seemed the happiest as he had a new place to explore, new toys to play with, cousins to follow around, and, most importantly, new trucks to play with (big metal ones from decades ago). He was very sad to leave on Tuesday. I really enjoyed the party, despite a few unfortunate events. I had the chance to visit with all of my siblings in attendance and had good conversations, I think -- better than I usually have with the kids zipping around like maniacs. As it turns out, one of my brothers and his "new" wife are looking to adopt a few children! We're very excited about the possibilities, though it will no doubt be a hard road to travel for them -- they're looking to adopt older children, which usually come with a lot of emotional baggage for the trip. Nevertheless, what an amazing thing they want to do!

The next few days, we pretty much spent the time visiting with my parents. I managed to cajole my parents into "interviewing" with me about their youth and about their family history. I recorded this, as well, and have a lot of neat stories now. I'm grateful they were willing to put aside their fears and humor me. My parents are awesome, and have lived wonderful and honorable lives, even if they often think they haven't accomplished much (hah! 7 kids ...).

On the way home, we split the trip into two days. We drove halfway to St. George, stopping in Hinckley to visit some of the homes that my grand-aunt had mentioned. She drew me a map of where everybody lived when she was a child, and most of the homes are still there. We stopped to take pictures, then found our way to the local cemetery where some of my ancestors are buried. I took pictures of the tombstones and was grateful for the excursion. It was humbling to be where they worked so hard to scratch an existence out of the desert soil -- it is now a beautifully green farming community.

Our stay in St. George was at a hotel with an indoor pool. We swam in the morning, then hit the road. My son was recovering from having a touch of diarrhea so it seemed he was asking us to stop every 5 minutes so he could use the bathroom. Truth be told, he was just paranoid and wanted to pee every time he had the slightest urge to do so. It was infuriating, but what can you do?

After coming home, we found our house in good order. While we were gone, we had new tile laid in the entryway and kitchen, which looks beautiful. The house has a fine layer of dust on everything, and we still have a lot of putting away to do, but it sure is good to be home.

We did find that one of our fish, which we had called "Oreo" due to his black and white spots, has now changed into a "Calico". It has orange spots and most of the black has faded to white. Weird.

And, happily, I didn't put on any weight while on vacation! In fact, I took 1 1/2 pounds off! Thanks to my wife, who worked really hard to meal-plan and pack up food to take with us, this trip went great and didn't derail my diet. I'm now down about 27 pounds! All my clothes are hanging off me (my work pants won't stay up!), but I don't want to go buy any more until I'm done losing weight -- probably another 5 or 10 pounds.

And last night, after getting home, we went over to the Raingutter Regata for my oldest son. His cub scout pack had their competition and my son took 2nd place! Not bad for a kid with asthma-in-remission. In the few races where he lost, he didn't take it well, so we have some sportsmanship lessons to teach him, but it was still a pretty fun experience.

It's been a very busy and exhausting week. Now that we're back, we're starting to get re-overwhelmed by all that lies ahead. It's incredible how family life is just one long to-do list that adds two things whenever you check off one. Nevertheless, it's still a good life.

Fat vs Carbohydrates?

I stumbled on this article today where they address the question of which is worse: calories from fat or calories from carbohydrates. An excerpt:

There are some interesting questions about whether eating carbohydrate calories versus fat calories will make you eat more calories, but based on what you put into your mouth, it's pretty clear that the source of the calories is really not important.

Then the article went on to talk about the different kinds of fat vs the different kinds of carbohydrates:

... the type of fat is very important, and so is the type of carbohydrate. So we find that trans fats, again, are particularly harmful with regard to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. On the other hand, unsaturated fats are actually beneficial in terms of reducing the risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. It's the same with carbohydrates. The total amount is not important. But high intake of refined starch and sugar is related to a higher risk of heart disease and diabetes, whereas high-fiber whole-grain carbohydrates are related to a lower risk.

So, for a guy who's a bottom-line kinda guy, I learned:

-- Don't stress about occasionally eating high-fat foods, except where they're all trans fats.
-- Eat high-fiber whole-grain foods.

Nothing earth-shattering here as that's what the "experts" have been saying for years, but it's good to regularly see it in black-and-white on occasion to know that the state of the art hasn't changed.

The Benefits of Losing Weight

Okay, I'm a white male who is slightly overweight. So far, after becoming ... The Phantom Weight Watcher! ... I have lost 14 pounds. That's pretty significant and a few people have commented on my new slimmer physique. I'm down to where I was when I left college, and I'm not stopping now -- I still have about 10 pounds until I hit a "normal" BMI and I intend to overshoot.

Nevertheless, there have been a few unexpected benefits to losing weight that I hadn't really considered before. I'll list a few of them here:

-- My clothes are baggy on me. I didn't really think losing that little weight would make a big difference, but it has! I now have to cinch my belt up one more notch tighter. For those clothes which used to be tight, they suddenly fit me quite well now.
-- My belly doesn't hang out like it used to. For a guy who jokes he's a hairy beach ape when he's seaside, that's pretty impressive. My self-consciousness has gone way down.
-- Climbing the stairs is a piece of cake now. Again, such a modest weight loss shouldn't make such a difference, but I find myself literally bounding up the stairs at home nowadays. I'm impatient by nature, and my impatience quotient just exceeded my extreme aversion to physical discomfort, and now I'm a bit more spry and just can't see wasting all that time climbing the stairs when I really want to be at the top!
-- My posture has improved and I don't have as much back pain anymore. Since back pain is what really keeps me from lifting my children, the fact it doesn't come around much anymore is very encouraging! Now, if they'd just stop getting heavier ...
-- The quantity of belly-button lint that I generate has gone down substantially. Seriously! On this topic, check out this link, where it says, in part, "Your typical generator of bellybutton lint or fluff is a slightly overweight, middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen." Um, that'd be me.

When I'm done losing weight, I'm going to train for a 5k run again. I did that a few years back (at my heavier weight) and really loved it, so I'm expecting it to be easier when I do it again. Maybe I'll even do a 10k or a half-marathon!

So, my health is improving, but it seems it really doesn't matter, 'cause I died 102 years ago ... for those who know me, do a search here and search for an obituary with my name. Quite the scandalous story!

Somebody Noticed!

I just went to lunch with a (now exceptionally good) friend of mine, and he's the first person to notice that I have lost weight! Awesome. At this time, I've lost about 12 pounds, and my wife says that my church suits are hanging on me funny and my face has thinned out. Pretty cool!

The Phantom Weight Watcher

My wife and I both concluded that we needed to lose a little weight. I am smart enough to know that I should not indicate how much my wife intends to lose, but as for me, my "ideal" weight is nearly 40 (!) pounds lighter, if you believe what they say for my height. I don't, so my goal is not to lose 40 pounds, but instead 20, which would take me to where I was in my early 20s when I was pretty fit and trim.

To this end, my wife has joined Weight Watchers. I've refused to join, primarily to save myself time and money, but I have willingly been reading up on all the strategies and tips that it takes to be part of the program. Yes, I am a "Phantom Weight Watcher!" (This term is now trade-marked, so you can email me my royalties when you use it ...)

I've been "on the program" now for over a week, and have lost somewhere around 3 pounds. The program itself doesn't really have any magical ability to make you lose weight -- instead it makes you mindful of your portion sizes and the calories that are contained in everything you eat. Using a funky chart that matches calories, grams of fat, and grams of fiber, one can deduce how many "points" everything you eat is worth. Yes, this completely ignores protein and salt intake (yeah, go ahead and drink that gallon of soy sauce, it's okay!). Then, by taking into account your current weight and average daily activity, you can determine how many "points" you should consume in any given day. Ideally, consuming fewer "points" in a day should result in a net loss of weight.

It's actually pretty straightforward. By considering everything that you can eat as a specific number of "points", you can remove some of the emotional aspects of eating. For me, this has meant that I now have the willpower to move past the secretaries desk without grabbing a handful of peanut M&Ms from the bowl she sets out. For my wife, this has meant spending more time doing meal planning and being a more conscientious shopper. While it does introduce a bit of frustration -- I really do still want to eat those M&Ms -- so far it seems to be working.

My wife and I also recently purchased "Wii Fit". This is a handy little tool that, among other things, measures your Body-Mass Index (BMI) and tracks it over time. My wife and I both get on it about once a day and it has served as a remarkable reminder of why we're doing this (since our BMI is considered "overweight", our little avatar on the screen is portly!). It helps with the accountability, and is far more accurate than our old scale in the bathroom.

One thing that I stumbled across the other day was an article on a recent study on fat cells. According to the article, even with major weight loss, you retain no fewer fat cells throughout your life than you had when you were 20 years old. This is bad news to those who were overweight at that age, as it makes re-gaining lost weight easier. For me and my wife, however, this should be pretty good news. At 20 I was a missionary biking my fanny off in the summer heat in Texas. At 20, my wife was, well, she was looking good. (Not to imply that she doesn't, you know, ... um, well, she looks pretty good now, too, come to think of it. You know what, I'll just shut up now.)

So, this should give us hope. If we're stuck with what we had at 20, we should be able to shed the extra weight we've gained since then. It's a good theory, right? I'm going with it.

My Paternal Grandmother's Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies

When I was a kid, my grandmother made the best banana chocolate chip cookies ever. I could eat them all day. Well, she passed away a long time ago, but last year I went to my sister's house to visit and she made these cookies for us. The smell alone took me back to my grandmother's house, and the taste, well, that took me back to her kitchen with her warm smile and gentle hands.

Tonight, we had some bananas that needed to be done in, so I decided to make these cookies with the kids. Of course, we'll probably eat far too many, but we'll do so with a smile. The recipe is a dump-and-stir, which makes it perfect for me and my kids to put together. It follows here:

2 bananas (medium sized)
2 eggs
1/2 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup chocolate chips (or walnuts, or both)

Dump, stir, and bake on an ungreased cookie sheet at 350 deg F for 10-12 minutes.

I tend to favor more chocolate chips, of course. Since they're full of bananas, I like to say that these cookies are "practically a health food!" My wife doesn't believe it, and regularly gives me a stern look when I say that. Still, they're delicious!

Getting Fit

There was a time when I could sneeze and lose five pounds. Those times are clearly over. While I've never been exactly "fit", I have been quite healthy and physically able. Now in my late early thirties, I have difficulty dropping the pounds as easily as I once did. However, several years ago, we bought a treadmill and I used it well to train for a 5k race. I did well at the time, but really haven't been dedicated since. Unfortunately, it shows.

But now things have changed. My wife and I are planning a trip to Hawaii next April to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and I find myself in the unenviable position of needing to drop a few pounds. Okay, I'll be honest, I could stand to lose 10 or 15, and, well, probably more. But the beaches call me, and I want my wife to be able to look at her man and be reminded why she married this studly, pale-skinned, hairy, short ... um, well, okay, never mind all that -- she didn't marry me for my body.

As for Hawaii, I really just don't want my belly hanging out too much. So, I'm back on the treadmill again ... tonight I did 2.2 miles and burned 342 calories. For a desk jockey, that ain't too shabby! It's going to be a long four months.

Pink Box

Oy. I'm a dog. A slobbering dog. A slobbering dog who loves donuts. Somebody just walked by with a pink box, and I know there's donuts inside it. I don't even have to smell them, but I know they're there. There's probably a chocolate cake donut with chocolate frosting and peanuts sprinkled on top. I want it. Right now. Oy.

So I work in a place with cubicles. Most of us are engineers who spend far more time in meetings than we do actually doing engineering. Since we also work on a federal facility, people aren't allowed to bring donuts and coffee (which I don't drink) to meetings -- it's considered "bribery" and "unethical" (hey, I don't make the rules). But we're also human (mostly), and so occasionally somebody will bring a box of donuts to take the edge off an early morning meeting.

And here's where the pink box comes in. I'm obsessive about them -- or rather their contents. I don't know how or why most donut boxes came to be pink and so very common amongst the makers of donuts, but they seem to be a standard now. Whenever I see somebody carrying one in, I ask myself the following series of questions:

"Who is carrying the box?"
"Is it somebody I work with?"
"Where are they going?"
"Is it for a meeting to which I'm invited?"
"Can I get myself invited to the meeting?"
"Is it possible I could gently insert myself into the meeting, steal a donut, and then excuse myself?"
"Could I just sneak into the meeting room, steal a donut, then sneak back out without being noticed?"
"Should I follow the donut box carrier, then when they set the box down somewhere before the meeting, I could steal a donut and make a quick getaway?"
"Maybe I should just tackle them, take the box, and run away ..."

Well, that last one's not a question, but usually my train of thought goes in that direction. I try to fight these base tendencies. I know I don't really need the donut, as I do try very hard to watch my weight (with mixed success), but I most certainly do want the donut. I'm no better than Pavlov's dog, who slobbered whenever the bell was rung -- except for me, it's not a bell ringing, but rather the blissful vision of a beautiful pink box.