Friday, November 30, 2007

Things That are Different With a Broken Finger

I went to the orthoscopic/hand surgeon yesterday to have him look at my hand. He took a look at the X-ray and after hearing my story, he, too, said I did a good job re-seating the dislocated finger. He then followed this up with a smile, saying, "Which does not make me happy." I was taken aback by this, and he further clarified that it meant that he didn't have any work to do for me. *phew* It was an awful joke.

After inspecting my finger and it's mobility, he concluded that I will not have to have surgery, which was a relief to me. Apparently, I just need to keep it mostly immobilized for the next four weeks and it should be fine. The finger will be slightly crooked when all is said and done, but I shouldn't lose any strength or mobility. He also cautioned me to not re-injure it, or else I would make him happy.

Any way you look at it, though, there have been some changes to my life because of the broken finger. It is nearly always bound up inside a metal brace and "buddy-taped" to an adjoining finger. I decided to itemize them, since I'm so fond of lists:

-- I can't wash my hands as easily, so I steer clear of getting them dirty even more than I used to.
-- I used to be a full ten-fingered (and fast) typist, and now I'm down to seven or eight, because of the "buddy-taping" and since the right pinky isn't so useful on the keyboard when "orphaned".
-- Right-clicking a computer mouse is challenging.
-- Going to the bathroom is a whole new procedure.
-- Washing my hair is a challenge on my right side.
-- Tying my shoelaces is much more difficult, and I can't get the laces really tight anymore.
-- Turning the key in my car's ignition is difficult, though driving hasn't proven to be so since I'm a dominant left-hand driver.
-- Holding my cellphone is awkward and I'm prone to dropping it.
-- Retrieving anything from my right front or back pockets is extremely difficult.
-- I can't shake anybody's hand anymore, and have to issue an apology and experience a moment of awkwardness.
-- I look stupid when I wave, and I think people occasionally misinterpret my wave as flipping them the birdie since my ring finger is sufficiently close to the middle finger and is always erect.
-- Carrying a cup is hard if it has a wide diameter with my right hand.
-- Gripping pretty much anything that is heavy is no longer possible with my right hand.
-- Slipping on a shirt, jacket, or backpack almost always jars the finger unless I exercise great caution.
-- Changing the diaper of my youngest is extremely difficult, particularly if he's gone #2.
-- Riding a bike with my oldest is totally out, as is helping my daughter learn to ride hers (it will have to wait).
-- I can't hold the hand of two of my children at once anymore, since they are not careful not to jar or twist my hand.
-- Worst of all, I can't hold my wife's hand with that hand anymore, or gently caress her beautiful face the same way I used to.

On the plus side, there are a few good things about it:

-- With the metal brace, I can incessantly tap it against anything and drive people insane.
-- I get people's undivided attention when I wave my finger in front of them. Seriously, everybody checks the finger out then pays attention to what I'm saying.
-- I have an ice-breaker story.
-- I have an excuse to not carry anything heavy.

The disadvantages very much so outweigh the advantages.


Melissa said...

Roy, I am totally laughing right now! I know, it's so sad, but so funny at the same time!

Roy. said...

Ah, sure. Just laugh at the cripple. No sympathy from you, I see! ;)

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