Monday, August 31, 2009

Small World Destroyed

AP-Anaheim Disneyland's "it's a small world" suffered disaster today, ending in the soaking of dozens of families riding the amusement park attraction, and the complete destruction of the ride.

According to survivors of the incident, things went awry immediately when Ben Grimm, otherwise known as the Thing of Fantastic Four fame, decided to take a ride.

"He looked agitated from the moment he got on," said Emily Smith, a survivor who entered one of the ride's boats just behind Grimm. "As the ride started, he starting yelling at the characters as we passed by, saying they were insulting his intelligence. I was just worried about my kids."

Other survivors indicated that Grimm began to gesture violently at the characters of the ride and about halfway through decided to get out of the boat. Strictly against park policy, the park's security personnel were called to the scene in an attempt to calm the clearly disturbed Grimm.

Soon after, a few of Grimm's colleagues joined him inside the building that houses the ride. Witnesses say that an argument began between Grimm and Johnny Storm, otherwise known as the Human Torch, also of the Fantastic Four. Said Mike Aguirre, "Soon Johnny was shooting fireballs at that Thing."

Nearby riders, huddling in the ride's boats, found themselves diving into the water to keep from getting burned in the fracas. At this point, the building caught fire, and Grimm reportedly began moving from room to room in what can only be surmised as an attempt to put out the fire. This resulted in severe damage to the superstructure of the building itself. One member of the security staff, who was one of the first on the scene and witnessed the incident, said, "It was crazy! This guy was just pounding away at the 'small world' characters. It was kinda like he was trying to put out the fire, but I think that dude has some serious anger issues, too."

The park fire department was called to the scene and additional help was called in from nearby fire stations. Some confusion occurred at the gates when park security insisted that the firemen pay full admission before entering the park. It was only after Robert Iger, Disney CEO, rushed to the scene, yelling, "Let them in, let them in! Small world is burning down, you idiots!" that the firemen were allowed to enter the park to aid in the suppression of the fire.

Several hours later, the building was completely engulfed in flame, with the structure itself collapsing due to the internal damage caused by Grimm. In the end, all the riders had been safely removed from the building and there were no injuries. As clean-up of the site was finishing, Grimm was heard to say, "Oops."

It is expected that charges will be filed.

Meanwhile, it was announced on Wall Street that the Walt Disney Co. is purchasing Marvel Entertainment Inc. for the unprecedented amount of $4 billion in cash and stock. This news was met with Disney stock falling 3% while Marvel stock surged over 25%. Mickey Mouse reportedly squeaked that his good friend Walt was probably rolling over in his grave at the news.

As one person said, "The Happiest Place on Earth is gonna get pretty gnarly."

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